Never Going Back Again

She broke down and let me in
Made me see where I’ve been

Been down one time
Been down two times
I’m never going back again

You don’t know what it means to win
Come down and see me again

Been down one time
Been down two times
I’m never going back again

I heard Fleetwood Mac’s song Never Going Back Again many times over the years. It’s a fun, catchy tune that everyone seems to enjoy.

The picking style is uniquely Lindsey Buckingham, offering syncopation and melodic flow at the same time. You tap your foot and want to sing while you listen. As a guitar player, you have to respect this — it is HARD to play multiple rhythms at once with the picking hand.

For years I have wanted to learn this song. Like any complicated guitar tab, there is the “first pass” quality where you can play the chords and basic rhythms but it doesn’t have that professional quality. It’s missing the eighth notes on the off beat, the dueling base lines the way a veteran would so easily do.

Being able to play like that takes years. Decades. Being able to play a song like Never Going Back Again takes a few hours to learn, but months to perfect.

For the past two years, I would wake up each morning and look at the markets. Most days, it’s relatively stressful — there is a position that’s not optimized, a setup I missed. There is an ever present feeling of anxiety that only traders understand. We live in a world of chaos, surrounded by the hope of finding those moments of clarity.

Objectively, this is a miserable way to live. Why would you put yourself through this? I tell myself it’s for the love of the game and the promise of riches. I also know it’s because I’m not sure what else I would do.

The past few months have unlocked new levels on my journey as a trader. I’m at a point that I didn’t think would ever happen. I could stop now, liquidate everything and be set for a long time. I have achieved everything I thought I wanted.

Yet here I am, on another Tuesday morning, feeling the pull of the market as we watch another volatility event. I’m carefully planning my strategy. I’m setting up trades and important levels. I’m being sucked into the vortex of price action, excited for another big move, dreaming of a perfect trade.

This will undoubtedly affect my sleep, my diet and my fitness. It will be all consuming for the next few days. For what? For another notch on the belt? For another round of potential profits?

Trading and investing is one of my favorite endeavors but I wonder if I control the trading or if the trading controls me.

The energy of “here we go again” is not the vibration I want to be living at.

Over my shoulder sits a guitar. It’s tuned in a way that allows me to play Never Going Back Again more succinctly. I take it out and start playing for a few minutes.

As I do, the stress melts away. Time ceases to exist. I am teleported to a place that is full of life, beauty and endless creativity. There is a connection to my inner being that allows the energy to flow freely.

Musicians know what I mean. There is no flow state that compares to playing music.

This energy is available to me any time, any day. It costs nothing. It takes nothing from me. It is a portal to something different, dare I say, something better.

As I play the notes and pluck the strings, I wonder what my life would be like if I felt like this all the time. What would happen if I built a life around this type of energy? Music, art, nature, people, creativity. A life of making things. A life of passion.

The voice inside tells me it’s not possible. It’s unsustainable to do. Bro you’re a trader! You make money in markets. That’s who you are.

But maybe that story has run its course. Maybe it’s time to re-prioritize what I put my energy into. Maybe it’s time to put away the stress, the volatility and the left-brained life.

I’ve always wanted to be really good at the guitar, yet I never put in the time. I’ve always wanted to be a great chef, a gardener and a semi-pro athlete. I’ve always wanted to explore different parts of life, yet I continue to stare at charts, buy dips and farm yields.

I wonder what would happen if I decided to live a different way. What would happen if I stopped? Would would happen if I just. fucking. stopped. trading.

Would it be a mistake? Would I realize the markets are where I belong and a life of creativity is a giant mirage? Would I be filled with regret for missing this once in a lifetime crypto opportunity?

Or am I on the verge of something great?

I have feeling the universe would show me something I didn’t expect.

My mind wanders as I type this. I feel a sense of apprehension as I think about what life would be like with new priorities.

I drink my coffee and gaze out over the ocean, smiling to myself, knowing that a new chapter is coming…and maybe this time I’m never going back again.